Dreaming

Ug.

I have not been sleeping well.

And I so love to sleep.  

Ever since I can remember, I have had seriously vivid dreams. And rarely, if ever, can you call them "sweet".

My dreams usually have a few themes.

1. My mom hasn't died yet, but I know it's coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
2. Crashing planes. I may not be actually on it, just see it happen.
3. Fighting with Jamey.
4. Something bad happening to the kids.
5. Christmas is here and not only have I not decorated, I haven't bought ANYTHING for the kids and all the stores are about to close. (<- This one has been persistent lately. If it doesn't stop I am going to decorate the living daylights out of this house in the next week or so. Forget Thanksgiving....)

I used to dream about high school ALL THE FREAKING TIME, but luckily that has stopped.

My nights usually consist of me going to bed at a decent time, but then about an hour and a half later getting up so I don't bother Jamey with my constant tossing and turning. I go downstairs and play on the computer or play on my phone.  Watch Hulu.

I think the problem I really have with not being able to sleep is that I know the problem is ME.  I am my own worst enemy.  I can't shut my brain off and stop worrying. 

Everyone has problems. Myself included. And whether they are real problems are problems we have exaggerated in our heads, our worlds tend to revolve around those problems. 

My brothers' favorite thing to say to me is that you cannot change anything by worrying about it. 

Matthew 6:25-34 

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? ...

I don't know why it is that I felt the need to try to write about this today.  It's not in anyway something that will change the world by any means.  I guess I just want it out there so that if anyone else is going through the same thing, I can say, "You are not alone." 

I am at home today, trying to clean the house so I can feel like a responsible adult/wife/parent (and really because we need clean towels...) trying to tune out that little voice in my head telling me to lie down and take a nap.

Hey. I'm only human.

Rain Rain, Go Away....

Or don't.

Whatever.

You know, personally, I love rainy days with this caveat... I don't want to have to go outside. I want to be able to enjoy it from the comfort of my {dry} house.... or bed. That's even better!

I prefer a soft, steady rain as opposed to a loud obnoxious storm, although in some cases depending on the mood I am in, storms are good too.

We need rain. We need the water and the damp and the gloom.  It's what reminds us to be appreciative of those days when it's sunny and pretty out.  To use it as a chance to remember that no matter what we are going through, what circumstances we are facing, at some point it always ends. Maybe not in OUR time but definitely in God's time.

We need to remind ourselves that we have to be patient and look for the lesson and, yes, even the blessings that rain can bring.

Sometimes it's in our darkest hours that we can find our greatest strengths.  We can find our will to fight. We make those hard decisions and we learn to live with them.

We even move on.

You don't forget though.  That is something that I have found to be impossible. But you do get to realize that with the bad, there is always good. Always a reason to say "Thank you."

I think we should each use our rainy days to the best of our ability.  Even if the best we can do is just stay in bed all day and cry.  But, just as the rain stops, we also have to stop and get up and face our days with the knowledge that God is fully in control.

Sing the song from Annie.  If anything it will annoy the people around you and that in and of itself is a reason to smile usually! (Especially if it's your kids! Or your Boss!)