Moody mood mooderson

I sit here tonight in my quiet house, contemplating the state of my world...  (somewhat quiet as I can hear my oldest man child recording a vlog in his bedroom) (Kinda scary.)

Oh I hate it when I am in this kind of mood.  Moody.  Moody mood.... you get it.

My adorable husband and 3 of my children are at church practicing for the Christmas program and I stayed home to work on my 5 page paper I have due in one of my classes.

Obviously I am getting soooooo much done.

So far I have been on FB, transferred money from one bank account to another, played with my dog, had a bowl of cereal, contemplated the state of my life....  and yeah.

Here I am.

I want to write something profound and meaningful but I think my brain has shut down.  Like, literally.

Just shut the man child down as well.  Wow. I am on a role.

So Thanksgiving is over.  Thank God.  Not that it's a big deal for me cause I didn't do anything at all, but I don't like it.  It is just an obstacle to get over so we can get to Christmas.

I have a Final this week and 2 Finals next week and then I am done with this semester.

3 weeks until Christmas break....

I am sure I can find lots of meaningful things to write about then.

For now,    ....     not so much.

Toodles.

My thought for the day.

The 5 W's of Life

My 2 cents

So you want to know a secret?

Sometimes being related to a pastor sucks.  I really hate how everyone thinks that they should be held to a higher standard than they are.  What? Pastors are more holy than you? Not even.  The problem is that everyone jumps on a pastor the first chance they get because it makes them feel better.  Well if THEY sin, then it's ok for me.

Guess what.  God doesn't care. He holds each and every single one of us to the same standard and that is JESUS CHRIST.

No one is going to measure up to that.

Newsflash. We aren't perfect and neither are pastors.

But what gets me the most is how pastors get the raw end of the deal just because people want to believe the worst of them whether or not it's true.  If you are one of those people who do this, do you know what that makes you?

A Bully.

I watch my husband and my dad face this every single day. People call CONSTANTLY with their own problems expecting them to be solved. And when it comes down to it, most of those people would rather take out their cell phone and film something bad happening to one of those men that I dearly love, then help them out. It's not fair.

It makes me sick.  It makes me heartbroken for them. And it makes me mad.

Here's an idea.  Try giving them the benefit of the doubt.

You might be surprised.

Waiting for Superman

It is the last day of November.  This is the month where we typically take some time to reflect on what it is we are thankful for.  

I am thankful for so much....

My little love was singing in the car tonight to "Waiting for Superman" by Daughtry. 

After James died I really had a hard time listening to the radio because every single song reminded me of him.  So I listened to 3 major artists.  Justin Timberlake, Michael Buble, and Daughtry.  

Love each and every one of them to this day...

So here she is singing to this song and as I am listening to the lyrics I just start to tear up... Heck I am about to cry now just thinking about it...

I was that girl in the song.

Did you catch that?

WAS that girl.

I was that broken girl. I was the one who was waiting. 

You want to know what I am thankful for?  I am thankful that I have a God who loves me enough to send me my own Superman.

... And she smiles....

My family

This is my beautiful family.

You wouldn't know it by looking at this picture, but all of us are just a little bit broken.  3 of the kids lost their dad at a young age.  One of the adults lost a spouse.  One of the adults got divorced.  One of the kids, was taken in and loved as one of the "family" because their mother couldn't care for them the way they needed to be cared for.

Together, we make a whole.

4 kids have a father AND a mother.
2 adults have each other and the knowledge that they are loved for who they are completely.

Does it always work?
No.

Do we fight?
Absolutely.

Do we love each other?
Without a doubt.

This is my beautiful family.

Thank you, God.

(* photo credit goes to Echoes in Eternity - visit her FB page here *)

Dreaming

Ug.

I have not been sleeping well.

And I so love to sleep.  

Ever since I can remember, I have had seriously vivid dreams. And rarely, if ever, can you call them "sweet".

My dreams usually have a few themes.

1. My mom hasn't died yet, but I know it's coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
2. Crashing planes. I may not be actually on it, just see it happen.
3. Fighting with Jamey.
4. Something bad happening to the kids.
5. Christmas is here and not only have I not decorated, I haven't bought ANYTHING for the kids and all the stores are about to close. (<- This one has been persistent lately. If it doesn't stop I am going to decorate the living daylights out of this house in the next week or so. Forget Thanksgiving....)

I used to dream about high school ALL THE FREAKING TIME, but luckily that has stopped.

My nights usually consist of me going to bed at a decent time, but then about an hour and a half later getting up so I don't bother Jamey with my constant tossing and turning. I go downstairs and play on the computer or play on my phone.  Watch Hulu.

I think the problem I really have with not being able to sleep is that I know the problem is ME.  I am my own worst enemy.  I can't shut my brain off and stop worrying. 

Everyone has problems. Myself included. And whether they are real problems are problems we have exaggerated in our heads, our worlds tend to revolve around those problems. 

My brothers' favorite thing to say to me is that you cannot change anything by worrying about it. 

Matthew 6:25-34 

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? ...

I don't know why it is that I felt the need to try to write about this today.  It's not in anyway something that will change the world by any means.  I guess I just want it out there so that if anyone else is going through the same thing, I can say, "You are not alone." 

I am at home today, trying to clean the house so I can feel like a responsible adult/wife/parent (and really because we need clean towels...) trying to tune out that little voice in my head telling me to lie down and take a nap.

Hey. I'm only human.